our philosophy
We accept that men and women think differently. We do not believe that one way of thinking is “better” than the other, but that one can be more appropriate than the other in the right situation. We believe that these ways of thinking are the result of our biological evolution and therefore of primary impotance.
We also accept that over the last fifty years or so, society has evolved at an unprecedented rate. Those changes have made society safer, less androcentric, and far less arduous that it’s ever been. We welcome these changes, but we have some reservations in terms of some of the unexpected side effects of these changes.
We’re very happy that we can walk the streets with no fear of being attacked or molested, but we’re concerned that our obsession with safety has gone too far in a number of areas. We’re concerned, for example, that parental insecurity, leading to so-called “snow plough” parenting, is robbing children of opportunities to learn how to deal with the day-to-day vagaries of life. We are concerned that when their parents are not around to help, they won’t have the skills or strategies they need to deal with problems as adults. They will also grow up to be highly risk-averse and anxious, with a commensurate effect on their mental wellbeing.
Similarly, we’re pleased to see equality between the sexes/sexual orientation. There is absolutely no question in our minds that this is a good thing. We are, however, concerned that many men have not adequately prepared for these changes, leaving them lost and confused in a situation that they are not biologically prepared for. The move towards greater equality was accompanied by significant decrease in the number of traditionally male work roles (in manufacturing, mining, construction, farming and fishing, and labouring). The role confusion that these changes have created has had a major effect on the mental health of men of all ages.
Just to be absolutely clear; we do not blame women for these changes. They are the product of a cultural and industrial evolution that, like everything else, has both benefits and drawbacks. Accordingly, we do not accept that there is any kind of “conspiracy” to undermine men, or that men should act as if they are the victims of these changes.
Many men have slipped into a “victim” role, but doing so goes against what it means to be a man. Rather than play the victim, men should adapt, and adjust their behaviour to fit in with and enhance the situation they now find themselves in. There’s no use raging against it; the situation is what it is. There’s no use complaining about it. There’s no use trying to fight it, and there’s certainly no use blaming women for what’s happened.
Finally, we absolutely welcome the fact that life is immeasurably easier than it has been in the past. Central heating, cars, vacuum cleaners, power tools, washing machines, and mobile phones, to list but a few labour-saving gadgets, have added so much to our lives. Again, however, we believe that they have come with a hidden cost. Taking all the “friction” out of life has meant that we’re getting soft, lazy, and prone to giving up when the going gets tough. Again, one of the side effects of a comfortable life is that it denies people the opportunity to develop the skills they’ll need to cope in times of hardship; and life is nothing if not a series of hardships to be overcome.
In sum, we believe that recent societal changes are root causes of much of the present mental ill-health crisis afflicting men. The way to combat these forces is clear; provide men with the tools, strategies, and mindsets they need to help themselves become better problem solvers, more adaptable, and more resilient; and that’s our mission at Building Bette Men.